Weekly visits to the psychologist made me somewhat aware of why I did certain things and felt certain ways.   My constant question of  “How do I stop doing that” frustrated my therapist, which in turn frustrated me.  I had read the gamut of self-help books looking for “the magical answer” to my struggles, but never found it.  I knew that I needed to “do” something.  I was tired of spinning my brain and over analyzing everything.  I wanted off the wheel.  Little did I know that that would soon have special meaning.

 

I had watched “Starting Over” from the time it first aired on television.  I diligently taped it everyday.  I laughed, cried and formed a bond with these women who seemed to be struggling with many of the same challenges I was.

 

I had visited the Fearless Living Institute web site many times.  For some reason, this time was different.  I was 43 and tired of feeling unfulfilled, unhappy and basically lost most of the time.  It was time for something new.  So I reached out and asked for help.  I HAD to do something.  Therapy wasn’t working for me.  I wanted to be coached.

 

I was excited and anxious when I received a reply back from Martin Wenger, my “soon to be Fearless Living coach”.  During the initial session, I felt an instant connection with Martin and something told me that this was what I was looking for.  And so we began.

 

Martin sent the initial “Getting To Know You Questionnaire” that would lay the foundation for our work together.  Forty three questions!!!!  Ugh….  I instantly felt overwhelmed.  But something told me that if I didn’t take the time and complete the questions as best I could, then I would be stuck right where I was – and where I didn’t want to be anymore.  So on a Tuesday night, after work, I sat for four + hours and finally took another action step for myself.  I finished the questionnaire.  And boy!  It felt great!

 

Two days later, I started the real work with Martin.  As I read each chapter in “Fearless Living”, did the Fearbuster Exercises, did the homework that transpired from our sessions each week and additional homework Martin assigned, I started to feel the transformation take affect.  I was finally taking action!  Some awarenesses came easily, some not.  And that’s when Martin’s role was invaluable.  He helped me work through the difficulties and still was able to leave me feeling good about myself.  It was just the “juice” (as I like to call it) that I needed keep moving.

 

The Wheel of Fear.  The most challenging, emotional and important realization.  I did the homework on my own that week and thought I had my trigger and core negative feeling all figured out.  So NOT the case!  Martin, recognizing the perfectionist in me, compassionately walked me through a list of phrases each trigger word would say or feel.  He did the same with the core negative feelings.  Fear hides and, boy, was it doing a good job this time.  Being thought of as selfish and damaged goods was not easy.  It stirred up a lot of painful emotion – another indication that the nail had been hit on the head.  Martin was there to acknowledge that I didn’t “hang on” to my first picks and that I was willing to let them go.  He also reassured me that even though my trigger was “selfish” and my core negative feeling was “damaged goods”, that was not who I was.  It was just that nasty wheel I had been spinning around on for the last 40+ years.

 

The Wheel of Freedom.  Again, Martin helped me select my correct essential nature of “accountable” with a quality of wholeness of “personal power”.  I was able to, again, put things into action by practicing proactive behaviors.  And…it worked!

 

I now know what my trigger is and what feelings come up when I’m on the Wheel of Fear.  I can then engage in proactive behaviors to get on my Wheel of Freedom where I am accountable and can feel personal power.  I am challenged everyday and it gives me yet another opportunity to practice, practice, practice.  Turning complaints into gratitudes, turning expectations into intentions, accepting and giving compliments, asking for help, not beating myself up and acknowledging myself for the positive things I do, knowing I have the time for whatever I need to do.  I feel like my eyes have been opened up to a whole new world of possibilities.  For once in my life, I feel hopeful, happier, positive and more content.

 

During my last session with Martin, he asked if I would have done the Fearbuster Exercises on my own – without the help of a coach.  I honestly told him that I wouldn’t have.  Some may have, but I know that I wouldn’t have.  Life has been very lonely for me.  I’ve done many things by myself – reluctant to ask for help – although help was always there.  Working on myself, by myself, just exacerbated those feelings.  Doing exercises with no one else to talk to about them seemed pointless.  Many of my friends, although supportive, really weren’t interested in going down this road with me.  Having Martin as my coach, finally asking for help and having someone there with the knowledge and tools to give me support and guidance was priceless.  And it was done in such a way as to leave me feeling empowered and confident.  I finally admitted that I needed help and it was wonderful knowing that my safety net called “Martin” was right there with me every step of the way.

 

And Martin was right again.   Now is when the real transformation begins.  Everyday, I gather more “evidence” (for lack of a better word) that living fearlessly works if you’re courageous enough to take that first step and open yourself up to the possibilities.

 

I am being proactive in my life and am actively participating in different “communities”.  No more isolation and wallowing around in my fear.  My attitude and relationships at work have improved.  The dance classes I started to take are allowing me to express myself and meet people who share a common interest.  The same goes for the women I meet and workout with at Curves.   I’m finally going on vacation after 3 years and most importantly, I reached out to my sister who I hadn’t spoken to in four years.  My relationships with my current group of friends have been enhanced.  They see the changes that I have gone through and couldn’t be more supportive.  And interested!

 

It is much better to go through life on a positive note – in a realistic sense.  Life, especially these days, could drag you down if you let it.  Fearless living has given me the knowledge, the tools and the awareness to see things differently and I know that it works.  I have put it into practice and I see that it does!

 

Thank you, Rhonda, for having the courage to share your story and make the unbelievable effort to develop the tools to change your life.  Because of that, you have most undoubtedly changed my life and many others!

 

And thank you, Martin, for all of your compassion, your willingness to let me be myself and your words of encouragement and support.  I believe that certain people are sent into our lives for a reason.  I feel blessed and fortunate that “the universe” sent you as my coach.  Words could never begin to express my heartfelt gratitude!

 

-Heidi